He says he wants to keep seeing her, but doesn’t seem willing to bridge the distance, what with him in New York and her in Los Angeles.
I no longer felt as though I had to play it ‘cool’, accept crumbs and wait, wait, wait to feel liked, loved and cherished by men I wanted more from. If things weren’t progressing, I had the power to take the bull by the horns and get myself back on the right path – the path to a fulfilling relationship. , even though Julia Roberts’ character, Vivian, is a prostitute, she won’t accept anything less than a proper relationship from her Knight in Shining Armani.
Richard Gere’s character, Edward, attempts to pull a Mr Quality Casual on her – offering to buy her an apartment, a car, and ‘keep her off the streets’.
Perhaps he’s just come out of a long-term relationship and is still mending a broken heart, or he has a few personal issues he needs to sort out before he dives head-first into a new relationship, or he has other priorities in his life (such as his career or child/children), or he’s just not ready or just not that into you or both! I did what Marni calls slipping into ‘Cool Girl Behavior’.
In any case, no matter how well you match up in other ways, you don’t match up in this way. Women (myself included), when faced with this problem, have a tendency to think that if they’re ‘cool’ enough and patient enough, the man will eventually come around. Your job is not to hang around accepting crumbs and living in hope. Let him know that, ultimately, you’re looking for someone to share your life with, and if he’s not looking for the same thing then you’re not a match. It might make Mr Quality Casual step up to the plate and become Mr Boyfriend Material, but it probably won’t. Now, you can stop investing in this going-nowhere relationship and refocus your energies on finding someone who’s on a similar life trajectory.
Men will only value you as much as you value yourself. But I realized my self-deprecating humor could sometimes be interpreted as, well, just self-deprecating.